


It's Not You

by bisexualcyborg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-18
Updated: 2013-04-18
Packaged: 2017-12-08 21:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/765961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bisexualcyborg/pseuds/bisexualcyborg
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During their days at Hogwarts, Lily and Bellatrix somehow find themselves in a secret relationship. What happens when James Potter finds out?</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not You

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for the “Forbidden Love Competition”. I got Lily/Bellatrix , for which I had no inspiration whatsoever, until one day, I was listening to Halestorm’s “It’s Not You”, and I saw the light! So, all hail Halestorm!
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. Stop rubbing it in. Thank you.

“Bella! Good Godric, you scared me! Don’t just pull me behind a tapestry out of the blue like that! What if someone had seen you?”  
“They’d have thought I was trying to kill you, and your brave and noble knight in shiny armour would have tripped over his own oversized feet in his haste to save poor innocent you from dangerous and evil me.”  
“Don’t make fun of Potter because of the size of his feet, Bella. You know what they say: big feet, big...”  
“Yes, indeed, and I think we can safely establish that the fact that you are dating me, albeit secretly, I admit, guarantees the fact that you are in no way interested in the size of Potter’s... endowment. Or any male’s, for that matter. Or are you?”  
Behind the teasing sparkle in Bellatrix’ eyes, Lily could discern a flash of jealous possessiveness, and the slightly manic glint that sometimes scared her, sometimes aroused her, and always reminded her of why exactly this thing between them had to remain a secret. Bellatrix was a Black, the epitome of Pureblood, and Lily herself was a Mudblood. Bellatrix’ insanity was heavily represented in the entire Black family, and Lily didn’t doubt for a second that they’d kill them both if they ever found about their liaison. Thus, said liaison remained a secret.

Lily couldn’t exactly pinpoint when it all had started. Bellatrix Black had never been anything but mean to her, calling her a filthy Mudblood, humiliating her, even hexing her from time to time. Despite the ill treatment, Lily had always admired the older girl. Her beauty, her determination, her intelligence, her mordant wit and even her slight insanity had always made Lily feel drawn to her like a moth to a candle’s flame. Lily figured that probably meant she had a more than minor masochist streak, but whatever. She had accepted the fact that she apparently liked girls; she could accept one more freaky side of herself. She didn’t know when exactly the admiration, lust and slight fear had turned into an unhealthy obsession, but there was no way she could deny that it was very much existent.

What she did know, though, was when she had realized that the other witch was definitely more than a little interested in her too. Lily normally didn’t react to Bellatrix’ taunting, but one day, she had. She had been in an extremely bad mood, because she had made a bad Arithmancy test, that Potter prick wouldn’t leave her alone, and she had just realized that Remus, her best friend, was not only a werewolf, as if that wasn’t enough, but actually as gay as a blue banana to top it off. He was very much infatuated with Sirius Black (apparently it wasn’t Marlene’s privilege to have bad taste in men...), and wouldn’t believe that the arrogant prat obviously fancied him back. She had been lost in thought, wondering how on in the name of Merlin’s most baggy Y-fronts she could help Remus to try and find a way out of that predicament, when she walked headfirst into another person. Before she could look up to see who it was and apologize, a despising voice echoed through the hall.  
“Watch where you’re going, filthy Mudblood, you might contaminate me!”  
Frustration took over, and before Lily could register what exactly she was doing, she had grabbed Bellatrix’ chin and pressed her lips against hers in an aggressive, bruising, punishing kiss.  
“There, now you can be worried about contamination.” she had coldly stated before turning on her heels and leaving the scene, accompanied by shocked silence on the part of the dark-haired Slytherin and her minions.

She had immediately regretted what she’d done, and started living in fear of revenge. However, the Slytherins seemed to do nothing for more than three days. On the evening of the fourth day, she was doing her Prefect patrols when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder. Startled, she whirled around to find herself staring into stormy grey eyes.   
“You sure know how to kiss, Mudblood. I wouldn’t have expected that from Gryffindor’s Prude Princess.”  
Trying not to let her fear show, Lily replied: “You seem to like kissing girls. I wouldn’t have expected that from Slytherin’s Ice Queen.”  
Bellatrix chuckled coldly: “Oh, it runs in the family, dear. Didn’t you notice the way my failure of a cousin drools over Loopy Lupin?”  
“Don’t call Remus that! And why didn’t you tell your family yet? Wouldn’t you love to give them yet another reason to disown Sirius?”  
“They don’t need my help; they’re on the verge of disowning him anyway. And as prejudiced as I am, I don’t believe people should be punished for who they’d rather shag. That would be quite hypocritical of me, as, as you so cleverly observed, I like kissing girls. And while we’re talking about that, as fascinating as this conversation is, I didn’t come here to talk.”  
“Then what did you...” Lily’s words were smothered by Bellatrix lips crashing onto her own. She didn’t pull back, and the heated kiss quickly –way too quickly, a small voice in her head was warning her– turned into something more.

Many other nights followed that first one, and Lily could feel the obsession slowly, ever so slowly, but oh so surely turning into love. And to her complete and utter astonishment, she seemed to be more than just a temporary distraction for Bellatrix too. She would never have imagined the cold Slytherin could be able of love, but the light-hearted teasing, the gentle words and caring touches led her to believe that there was emotion mixed with their formerly purely physical relationship. In an event like today’s, for example, Bellatrix’ use of the word “dating” and her obvious possessiveness could hardly be accounted to sheer lust. However, lust was important too, as was proved when Bellatrix decided to put her mouth to better use than talking, instantly side-tracking Lily’s considerations.

When she emerged from the hidden space behind the tapestry two hours later, Lily made the horrific discovery of none other than James Potter, idiot extraordinaire, seated on the statue of a lion and playing with that infuriating Snitch of his. Lily didn’t understand how Professor McGonagall still hadn’t confiscated the damned thing, it had been working on her nerves for nearly a year, damn it! Lily swallowed audibly, sensing that Potter wasn’t here by chance. When he noticed her, he quickly caught the small golden ball, ruffling its wings as he closed his fist around it.   
“So, Evans, having secret rendezvous behind the Tutu Troll Tapestry, hm? So which lucky guy gets to be the reason why you won’t go out with me?”  
Despite his composed demeanour, the hurt and bitterness were obvious in his voice. A mixture of annoyance and pity was threatening to flood Lily, but she was saved from replying with a half-heartedly snarky retort when Bellatrix also surfaced from behind the tulle-clad trolls. She assessed the situation in front of her, placed a quick but sensual kiss on Lily’s lips, smirked at James with a “Fancy meeting you here, blood-traitor. Feel free to slit your wrists out of despair, you might actually do some good to the world for once.” and disappeared behind the corner of the hallway, leaving Lily and James in an awkward face-to-face.

Lily stared at the tips of her shoes, refusing to initiate any kind of conversation. Consequently, it was James who spoke first.  
“So it’s not a guy, hm? I guess I could have lived with that. But seriously, Evans, Bellatrix fucking Black?! Are you suicidal or what?!”  
Lily took a deep breath: “I... I’m sorry, James.”  
“You’re sorry?! You’re sorry?! That’s all you have to say? I keep chasing after you for years, despite the fact that you keep turning me down like I’m a worthless piece of shit, supposedly because I’m a big-headed, arrogant bully, and then you run off with her, who’s not only all of that too, but a prejudiced, sadistic, evil bitch to top it off? I’m in love with you, Lily, I’d treat you right! She’s gonna use you for her personal pleasure, and when she’s tired of you she will torture you to death and hand your corpse over to Voldemort on a silver platter! Are you completely mental?”  
Any guilt or pity instantly fled Lily’s heart, leaving only a white-hot rage. James’ words had struck a chord: not only did she know he was basically right about Bellatrix’ personality, but she had actually also given serious thought to the possibility that the Slytherin might end up killing her, or at least breaking her beyond repair. And in that moment, she turned all the hurt, anger and fear that prospect inspired her towards that interfering bastard. She took a few angry strides that brought her so close to Potter that their noses were nearly brushing and whipped out her wand, threateningly holding in under his chin.  
“My relationship with Bellatrix is none of your business, Potter! You’re just bitter because I turned you down! Well, live with it, despite the risks, I’m in love with her!”  
“You are... You actually let yourself fall in love with her? You are certifiably mental.”  
“Yes, I did, Potter. I’m in love with somebody, and it’s not you. I didn’t choose to, I know I’m playing with fire, but I honestly can’t help it.”  
“Fine. I understand. But when she’s finished chewing up your heart and spits it back out, don’t count on me to piece it back together.”

James knew, of course, he was telling a blatant lie. And indeed, when Bellatrix had to choose between temporary amusement and her allegiance to the Dark Lord, all of Lily’s illusions were brutally shattered. And James, loyal, reliable James, was there to restore her idealist beliefs. But those were destroyed permanently on Halloween 1981, when Bellatrix Black marched into Godric’s Hollow, preceding the flash of green light that would end the life of the woman she had claimed to love not so long ago.

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, this was exceedingly difficult. Any reviews to make my effort worthwhile?


End file.
